Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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