Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
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eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
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it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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