Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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