Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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