ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
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the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
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we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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