My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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