Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize