I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wish they made helmets for livers.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
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I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
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No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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