I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize