they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
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I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
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Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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