Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had me at cake vodka
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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