my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
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I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
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Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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