I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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