My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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