Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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