I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
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He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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