I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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