do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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