okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
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