If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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