what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
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Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
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Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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