Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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