the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize