dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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