I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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