a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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