Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
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you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
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He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
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