What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
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All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
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He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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