Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
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she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
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Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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