So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
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I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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