why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize