allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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