make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
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I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
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Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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