Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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