What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
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im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
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He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
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