Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize