Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
There are leaves in my underwear?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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