Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
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For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
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I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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