How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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