you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize