Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize