Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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