So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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