Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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