Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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