You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
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You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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