"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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