Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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