bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
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I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
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He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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