I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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